Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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