I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize