Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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