Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
