the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
