i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
