You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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