Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i black out too much to be "responsible"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
