My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
