so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
