Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
