he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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