I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
