Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
