I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
