Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
