I just pynch a tree in the face
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
