I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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