As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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