you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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