I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
