Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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