She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
