Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My feet surprised me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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