Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Green mimosas i think yes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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