Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
