i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
