Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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