I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
