You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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