I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
