in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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