yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
