I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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