why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
