Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
