Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
