omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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