Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
