I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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