My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
