one two three fourrrrnication!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
