Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
