If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
