I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
