White coat. Heels.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
