This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
