I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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