so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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