this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
