i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
