chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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