he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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