do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
