Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
