And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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