I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
