i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
