In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No subtext here. People are naked.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
