I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
