This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
