I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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