Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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