The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
