SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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