Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
