He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
