You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
