I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
COCAINE IS GR8
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
