I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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