I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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