I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My breath smells like gin and sadness
PANTIES FOUND
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
