you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
