Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
